Treading Water

This week in worship we discussed how we cope with pain. It was our third week of five in the series, "Good God, Bad World." Video clips from "Bruce Almighty" were edited out. You can follow the link to download or read the text below.

http://www.mediafire.com/file/yqjnmzyjjhk/Treading Water.mp3

May you be strengthened by God and we'll see you Sunday!


“Treading Water: Coping with Pain”
Brimfield Faith UMC
January 24, 2010

Psalm 13; Proverbs 25:20

INTRODUCTION
As a swimmer, I did my fair share of strenuous workouts. We did 30 minute swims, sprint sets until we puked, and would often swim for 3 hours straight. Most of the time, the workouts were painful but bearable. There was one workout that I dreaded though: treading water. We would go in the diving well and we would have to do these sets with our hands out of the water and we would kick as hard as we could for minutes on end. It was as close to drowning that I have ever been in a pool. There is nothing more frustrating that kicking your legs as hard as possible to the point of utter frustration just to keep your mouth above water so you could breathe. It was one of the least satisfying things because there was never any progress. You weren’t in motion. Where most swimming workouts could be measured by how fast you went from one end of the pool to the other success when treading water was gauged by not drowning.
Learning to cope with pain and suffering I think can be compared to treading water. When we first begin to experience the pain, there is very little we can do except try and keep our heads above water. Pain, of course, is something that everyone encounters and no one likes. All throughout the Scriptures we see people experience pain: everyone from Adam to Moses to David to Jesus experienced pain. Regardless of their relationship with God, they all reacted in the same basic way. When they felt the pain, they recoiled from it, tried to alleviate it and then finally cried out to God. I want to spend some time this morning talking about how we cope with pain and suffering, especially at its outset. I hope to answer the questions: How do we keep our heads above water? How do we keep ourselves from being overwhelmed and destroyed by the pain?
Before we begin to talk about some ways we can cope with pain, we are going to watch a clip from the movie, “Bruce Almighty.” In the movie, Bruce Nolan, played by Jim Carrey, is a goofy weatherman that sees his life as full of injustice and suffering. The scene we are going to watch is about 20 minutes into the movie. Bruce is ranting about his latest misfortunes: not getting the coveted anchor position at the local news station and subsequently getting fired for an on-air meltdown.
[CLIP]
Bruce isn’t the most gracious enduring of pain and suffering but he is honest about it. This scene probably reflects how many of us feel when bad things happen to us as well. While Bruce is a bit over the top, I think we can actually learn some things about coping with pain from him. As we enter into week three of our series called, “Good God, Bad World,” I want to suggest three ways to help us cope with pain and suffering.

DENIAL - FEELING THE PAIN
#1. Experience the pain for what it is.
As we look to cope with pain, I think the five stages of grief model is a helpful model to dealing with pain and suffering. The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The first stage of grief is denial. In the denial stage, we are in shock about a loss. We don’t want to accept the reality of it. We hope that we’ll wake up from the nightmare. We don’t believe it to be true. In the same way, when we initially react to pain by denying it. We ignore it. We hide it. We avoid the doctor. We tell ourselves it’s not that bad. We will go to great lengths to convincing ourselves that it’s not real. Then if we can’t fully deny it, we try to alleviate it. We try to do anything to get rid of it. We do everything except look at the pain and try to observe it.
If we are going to successfully cope with pain, we need to recognize the denial and seek to actually to experience the pain for what it is. In the clip we just watched, Bruce, is embracing the emotional pain that he is feeling… maybe too well. Nonetheless, he enters into the tragedy of the moment. Sometimes, this goes against our natural instincts. It is important that we listen to the pain we experience. We need to observe it. Last week, we talked about some of the positive attributes that pain has. Hopefully, by understanding that pain has positive things to offer will help us to experience the pain and reduce some of the fear associated with pain.
To embrace pain may seem strange or even scary at first, but it is an important first step to coping with pain. It allows us to overcome the unknowingness and the fear that is associated with pain. According to Asenath Petrie, a researcher and author of The Individuality of Pain and Suffering, the number one inhibitor to coping with pain is fear. In her book, Petrie discusses the different ways people process and deal with pain. She says, there are three different types of people when it comes to how they process pain: “augmenters” people who exaggerate all pain, “reducers” people who have high pain tolerance, and “moderates” people who fall in between. We talk about this as our pain tolerance.
The difference between augmenters and reducers: fear. Therefore if we want to cope with pain then we need to overcome our fear of the pain. The best way to overcome fear isn’t to theologize it or to rationalize it, but it is to observe it and to understand it. When we can embrace the pain for what it is, we will no longer fear it. As the fear is removed, we can learn to cope with the pain.

HOLY VENTING
#2. Express the emotions associated with pain.
Once we have moved through the denial and overcome the fear, the second and third stages of the grief process are anger and bargaining. Anger is expressed in the sentiments, “Why is this happening to me?” Bargaining is summarized by, “I’ll do anything to change this…” These two steps bring about a confliction of emotions that are often difficult to express and comprehend. As we experience pain, we find ourselves angry: at ourselves, at our friends, at the world, and even at God. Instead of expressing the anger, we often try to bottle it only to have it explode in inappropriate ways. If we are going to effectively cope with pain, we need to learn to express the emotions associated our pain. Ultimately, the best way to do this is through prayer. We should share all our emotions with God through what I like to call “Holy Venting.” Before we talk about it in detail, let’s watch Bruce’s version of Holy Venting.
[CLIP]
Bruce’s venting is actually more Biblical than we might think. How many of you have ever yelled at God? [hands] If you haven’t, next time you’re angry with God go for it. Before you start to object on moral grounds and religious grounds, understand that holy venting is simply aggressive prayer. You know when you are worked up about a situation and you just need to vent to someone. You aren’t looking for advice or input. You just need to get it off your chest. This is what holy venting is and it is all throughout the Bible. The word Israel literally means, “one who fights with God.” The Psalms of full of holy vents and laments to God.
Listen to David’s holy vent in Psalm 13: “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.” You can hear David’s frustration and anger in the Psalm. David is going to call out to God and yet at God about his situation. As you hear in Psalm 13, once David get it off his chest, he is able to see God’s presence in the situation.
God invites us and even encourages us to communicate with him in the same way. God wants you to tell him that you’re seriously ticked off. He doesn’t care if there is some shouting and yelling and maybe even a little cursing. God is big enough to take it. He already knows your heart. Holy venting is an act of prayer and can even be an act of confession. I know whenever I get into a shouting match with God, I feel better when it’s over. I know God doesn’t love me less, in fact, I feel closer to God afterwards because I feel like he listened. I feel like my case has been heard. My emotions are expressed and I am ready to continue to move forward. Holy venting can be used when you are feeling overwhelmed with pain and suffering or at anytime that you are upset with life and God.

DEPRESSION
#3. Surround yourself with friends and loved ones for support.
The last component of coping with pain is probably the hardest to do but the most important. We need to surround ourselves with supportive friends and loved ones. The fourth stage of grief is depression. This is characterized by “What is the point?” “Why go on?” Pain has the ability to induce depression. When the depression comes, it feels like a dark cloud that drains your strength and your motivation to carry on with life. Depression is the scariest aspect of trying to cope with pain and suffering. Most people try to escape the depression as quickly as possible, but the reality is it shouldn’t be rushed.
Two things happen with depression: the depression will make you feel isolated, and it will make it difficult to pray. Pain has an ability to isolate us and make us feel like we are the only ones in the world that have every gone through such an experience. It is true that no one knows what you are going through. There will be times when you just need to be alone and that is okay. At the same time, it is important to have a few close friends by your side as you cope with pain. They will help ensure the depression doesn’t get too dark or go too deep.
Another reason you need the support of friends is to pray for you. When you are depressed, you won’t feel like praying, and ironically it can worsen the depression. You will need friends to pray for you and stand in the gap for you. Having friends that can lovingly support you will go a long way in coping with the devastating effects pain can have on you.
If you are supportive friend, you need to allow a person to be depressed. This can be hard to do but it is important. Proverbs 25:20 says, “Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart is like taking someone’s coat in cold weather or pouring vinegar in a wound.” Depression something that needs be experienced if a person is going to move beyond simply coping with pain. So instead of trying to cheer up a depressed person, it is important that we walk along side of them, pray for them, listen to them, and support them.

CONCLUSION
There is no denying it: pain can be crippling. There are ways to cope with pain and even ways to overcome the pain. One of my goals for this series is to give you tools to learn how to thrive in the face of pain and suffering, difficulty and hardship. In Philippians it says, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Through Christ, we can learn to embrace and listen to the pain and suffering we experience. Through Christ, we can fight with God and engage in some good ol’ fashion holy venting. Through Christ, we can endure the throws of depression. And through Christ, we can move from simply coping to thriving in the face of pain.
Ultimately, I long for us to be a people and a church that knows how to effective cope with anything that is thrown at us. Next week, I hope for us to learn to thrive in the face of pain and suffering, and to transform pain into victory through Christ.
Let’s pray.